No matter how much you shake me and push me around, scream at me and call me names. No matter how much you care for me. I am simply not there.

I have recently requested the information and audio from the emergency phone call i made about a year ago, before I ended up in hospital. I am going to listen to it with my psychiatrist to hopefully get a grip around these delusions I am experiencing. Since being in a calm state of mind, I am not looking forward to hearing myself during a full blown episode. But I really hope it will help me.